Daaamamn girl, you look good in those jeans. Just because you aren’t 34-24-36 doesn’t mean you don’t rock it just as well as the next kid. #beholdtruthmustbetold – that could be the worst hashtag ever, but I’ve committed and now I will own it. Can’t go back, must move forward.
Love the body you have and the gifts you have been given is this week’s theme. What you have is perfect because it is 100% you and this makes you different from all the other sheep walking in circles down the catwalk with their identical frames. It is these gifts that make us special. 34-24-36 is so 1986. I’m over it.
Love them or hate them, the kontroversial Kardashians have come a long way in transforming how we view our bodies. They have taught us that maximum curves should be celebrated, and celebrate they do–maybe a bit too much – #shameonthemfortoomanynakedbottletannedselfiepics. I don’t think I quite have the hang of this yet. I’m losing characters by the minute. Anyhoo, let’s get back at it because I do want to give props to the sisters who are tops when it comes to their bottoms. #shebam!
Don’t miss out on the opportunity to celebrate your body. The key is to find your ASSets and work it like you’ve got it while minimizing your less favoured particles. We all have them, even the skinny girls. Remember Olivia from The Bachelor and her cankles? She was thin as a straight pin, but she suffered from canklelitis defeatist dysmorphia syndrome – also known as CDDS, or more commonly as cankle hatred and resulting in a deep case of ankle envy. Did Ben notice her cankles before she pointed them out? He looked dumbfounded and unfamiliar with the expression when she told him the other girls picked on her for it. Girls can be so mean sometimes. Sheesh.
Let’s take 5 and talk about how to maximize your best bits and learn to love again. In the words of Elsa, “let it go, let it gooooo.”
Skinny Girls (the Ruler)
I know what you are thinking? What’s your issue skinny girl? Back off the body hate train. We all love to hate on the skinny girl who says “I don’t know why I can’t put on any weight?” Off you go (dismissive wave of the hand). Not the case because skinny girls have skinny girl issues outside of a line of drinks named after them and possible body dysmorphia. A lack of volume is the skinny girl’s problem and creating fullness and the appearance of curves is the need. Boho chic is a great look on the skinny girl. Clothes that sit away from the body, are billowy or floaty are a good choice. So think in terms of outdoor festival style. This season is perfect for you with all the bohemian pieces. Consider boyfriend jeans, boyfriend blazers, ruffle details, bold colours, plenty of prints, maxi dresses and maxi skirts. As I said, summer 2016 is your year–the year of the willow wisp.
Famous Skinny Girls: Sienna Miller, Kate Bosworth, Rachel Zoe, Nicole Richie, Calista Flockhart
You’ve got curves in all the right places. The goal with this figure type is to flaunt your shape. Fabrics that show off your figure work best. Pencil skirts work wonders on you, so do peplum tops and blazers, belts cinched tight around the middle, wrap dresses and power dresses. Jersey is your fabric. So too are fine gauge knits and silks. Necklines that plunge a bit are going to work well on you. Consider V-necks and deep scoops, but not too much because those girls enhance themselves. The hourglass is sexy without even trying so no need to over-reveal. Avoid boxy blazers or boxy cuts because it’ll make you look bigger than you actually are.
Famous Hourglass Girls: Kate Upton, Kim Kardashian, Katy Perry, Halle Berry, Beyonce, Scarlett Johansson, Marilyn Monroe
The Cello Chick
I believe Ashley Graham may have coined the phrase – this is the hourglass shape, but with more sand. It’s the plus size equivalent. Consider similar rules to the hourglass.
Famous Cello Chicks: Ashley Graham, Melissa McCarthy, Oprah, Kirsty Alley, Monique, the late Anna Nicole Smith
Pear Shaped Gals
Pear shaped is when your hips are larger than your shoulders. The goal of this body type is to create balance between the upper and lower parts of your body. Bootcut jeans create balance to your frame. Try thicker blazers or jackets like felt or leather and hit above or below the widest part of you. Also consider a knee length, a-line skirt paired with boots. Consider adding bold horizontal striped tops, plaid shirts or details that add texture on the upper half like lace details and lighter colours on top with darker one tonal shades on the bottom. Bold jewelry or scarves that sits close to your collarbone are great on you.
Famous Pear Shaped Girls: Shakira, Rihanna, Jennifer Lopez
Lady Lopez paved the path for bottomly pride with her bountiful bootie. Her apple bottom is occasionally paired with the boots with the fur. She accepts what she has and works it like no other. And as much as she celebrates her shape, what do you notice most about her? It’s her glow. Everyone wants the J.Glow. Must be because she knows how to rock the balance equation.
Apple Shaped Ladies
This body type carries more weight in her middle than in other parts of her body. Often the apple can have quite thin limbs. You likely have a large chest (though not necessarily), and are short-waisted. The goal of dressing this shape is to whittle the middle while maximizing the gams and elongating your look. The first step is to highlight the thinnest part in your middle, which generally tends to to fall just below the bustline. You don’t want to belt your outfit at the natural waistline. Go for v-shaped necklines and blouses in a soft fabric, slightly fitted to skim past the bust, but doesn’t cling to your body and just lightly drapes over it. Blouses tend to look best when they hit at your hip bones and not at your natural waist. Avoid angel wing sleeves or the ruffled sleeve as this is going to add width. Wrap dresses that cling just below the bust work well on you and so does ruching details. Patterns hide the middle. Tailored jeans and trousers, pencil skirts that hit at the knee, longer vests or vertical lines create the illusion of long and lean. Avoid, bomber jackets, puffer coats, pleated pants.
Famous Pear Shapes: Jessica Simpson, Drew Barrymore, Katherine Zeta-Jones, Jennifer Hudson, Adele and Sherri Shepherd
Rectangular Girls (not Sponge Bob)
Also known as the athletic or boyish frame, this body shape has little curves, a less defined waist, with the hips and shoulders at a similar width. Rectangular girls generally have a smaller chest. Your goal is to create shape where it isn’t. You want to look for clothes that are not straight up and down, however, this season’s popular boxy waistless dress is an exception to the rule as it actually works wonders on you. Look for full or a-line skirts, bold colours, colour combining (why not consider the rainbow look of this season), tailored clothing and princess seaming. Tops with pocket details are great on you. Tucking your top in is going to work better on you or breaking the look with a jacket and longer top underneath. Try big, bold scarves, thicker textured sweaters and pencil skirts yo create the illusion of curves.
Famous Athletic Frame: Kate Hudson, Gwyneth Paltrow, Cameron Diaz, Nicole Kidman, “Me”
Remember body love is relative, and it truly is in the eye of the beholder with all these trickety tricks up our sleeves, tops and bottom cuts. Step aside Becky with the good hair because what is good hair is equally as relative, but that’s another story.